| wowza |
[Saturday,
July 28th, 2007] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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i havent updated this is a madd long timme.
uhm so update:
i went out with a kid named scott 4/20
he had a pee fetish wanted me to pee on him, uhm was a complete crazy looney bin.
i broke up with him about a month later.
he wanted to kill me and threatened me.
uhm i started chilling with sean.
we started to date.
and were going out now and i couldnt be happier.
uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yeah.
megan and johnny broke up.
megan and me are hanging out again more.
im going with kait to montauk sometime in august.
im going miss sean.
ahhh
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| this is why i have been so upset its public so you all can know. |
[Wednesday,
June 21st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
ugh ive been really sad latley.
ive been crying myself to sleep for the past 4 days
well 4 days ago i was looking through my sisters old stuff and i found a poem my dad wrote to her when she was a baby it was so sad.
then i looked at all my family pictures and there are barly any of me when i was a baby
lauren and annie have home movies i have none.
they got poems and i got nothing.
they grew up with a father figure and i never had a father.
when my mom and dad got married.
none of his family told her anything about his past.
until afer they were married
then she found out my father was into heroin.
they told my mom they didnt wanna tell her cause they were afraid she wouldnt have married him.
they told her he was not doing it anymore which he wasent.
then when my mother was pregnant with annie
she was on the balony with lauren and these two mexicans can and knocked on the door
and my mother looked over the balony and asked what they wanted
they said my dad owed them money.
she told them to leave and they didnt.
they pulled out guns and started to shoot.
they shot one at my mother and it missed and 3 into the house.
there still lodged into the house they were so deep.
the cops came and caught them
then my father stole my mothers wedding ring and hocked it to get money.
but at this point he wasent on heroin yet.
other drugs but less serious.
then he stopped doing any drugs.
while my mom was 9 months pregant with me she went into labor at a food store and she was soo stressed out leaving my sisters with him.
she had me and less then 3 years later she divorced him cause his drug problem was getting serious.
he was gone.
he would visit but i dont remember any of it.
then when i was 6 he found out he had AIDS.
from sharing a needle with his room mate.
then when i was 7 he died
i only have two soild memory of him when he gave me my simba doll and on his last birthday at the park.
thats all
normal kids have many memories with there fathers i have nearly none.
you would think after all of this i wouldnt of even wanted to know him
but i do really badly but i can never.
its sucks
when i get married i wont have a father to walk me down the eisle.
and god forbid my mother dies.
ill have no parents.
the only father figure i had was my moms alcholic boyfriend john who was a dick.
i hated him.
he taught me to ride my bike not my father..
i just wish he had a little more time on earth so i could have known him
no matter how much you all say you hate your father, you dont.
if anything happend to him youd be devestated.
i would kill to have a father just even for a day.
just to know how it feels.
so this is why ive been moody
i just feel like he loved annie and lauren more
and when i was born gave up on life.
There's only us
There's only this ...
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today
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[Monday,
June 12th, 2006] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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klfsg'lkfdg'kldsjg'sklfdjg
PEOPLE ARE GAY!@
im sick of peoples shit!
but i love a select few.
kait,megan,andrea,johnny.
everyone else can fuck off
im sick of being told one thing one minute then somehting else the next
in OTHER news.
sdlfjh;sdahf.skfd;lskdj'fklsa
i dont know if i like anyone anymore
its too stress full
maybe friends is just better for now.
whatever.
summers coming..
maybe ill find a summer romance.
or maybe i wont.
i dont care
i just wanna have fun
BRANDNEW AND AFI ARE SOOOONN!!<3333
and hopefully andrea comming is soon too<33
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